Lulu: Prejudice

I "went away" for a little while and came back to some very thought-provoking posts, all of which spurred some interesting conversation between Phill and I.

We actually talk about these things often. We've talked about the possibility of adopting in the future--because of various promptings--and race is one aspect we discuss in that vein. We don't have a preference as to the color or gender of the baby/child we will adopt one day. We honestly don't. We will take the one who needs us! But we're not unaware of obstacles a child might face if adopted into a family of a different race. Although we have no problem with a baby or child of another race, we know that there are some who would question it. And so we discuss that aspect, too, examining our own beliefs and probing for hints of prejudice. I know I'm not without prejudice, but I don't usually feel like it's something that is a problem for me. Perhaps I'm complacent? We find ourselves generalizing. And we find ourselves struggling not to do that when we watch the news. We're far from perfect, too.

In Hinesville, we were amongst what I always thought was a pretty evenly balanced black-to-white ratio of people. I do remember that when we moved there, it wasn't hard adjusting to the various ethnicities present--I had come from a school in Belgium which hosted students from 35 different countries--what was hard for me was that I did feel like the minority, and I did feel afraid of saying something wrong without meaning to. I didn't even know if my black friend would want me to refer to her as black or African-American or something else. But I became best friends with her, and I feel like I learned a lot from her. She is the (girl) friend I remember most fondly from Georgia. (I met Phill in Georgia, so he takes the cake for all-time favorite.) I asked her what was okay once, and what wasn't, and her answer was so smart--she said that she couldn't possibly speak for all black people, just as I couldn't possibly speak for all white people. I remember feeling so completely stupid for viewing her as a spokesperson! And I still feel ashamed when I remember that! She actually asked me once, "Rachel, are you afraid of black people?" and I remember feeling that I honestly wasn't, but then saying that I would be more afraid approaching a black man on the street on a dark night in Hinesville than I would be of approaching a white man on the street on a dark night in Hinesville. I hated myself for saying that. I still hate that I ever felt that way. My friend was incredibly smart and incredibly helpful. She did mention that I ought to be healthily afraid of any man on a dark street anywhere at night, just to be safe. :) She actually helped me work through some of those feelings of fear that I think are the way my prejudices manifest themselves.

They're not all gone, though, and I do notice that living in Utah has had its effect on me. I actually miss seeing more black people. But I've noticed how Reed stares with wide, curious eyes when he sees anyone here who's not Hispanic or white. It doesn't ashame me that he does that, because he's only curious and he's seeing something new. He does refer to the little boy next door as The Brown Boy. He's Hispanic. It bothers me so much that Reed calls him that, but I think that is because of my own prejudices--not Reed's. He's only noticing the color of Javier's skin. He has no problem with it. It is simply descriptive in Reed's use. Why, then, does it bother me when Reed calls him that? Is it because I remember Javier that way? That I remember him as the Hispanic little boy next door? I don't like confronting these uglier aspects of myself--but I think that it's the only way to do as Rae and Abby said and learn to stop defining people as any -ites and see ourselves the way the Lord does.

Although Phill was robbed in Hinesville of his credit cards and a dollar from his wallet by three black men with guns and knives, my best friend in Georgia was a black girl, and Phill went to work every day in Fort Stewart with black men who were his friends and promised as soldiers to defend his life along with their own in times of war. We have also both met Ro, and we love him so much. He really is just a beautiful man, a giant spirit. I feel blessed to have him in the family.

I guess to summarize, I think the biggest pitfall Phill and I have is to generalize. The most trouble we get in is when we compare the masses against how we think all should be. Who are we to decide that? I know I have a long way to go before I am without prejudice.

It never occurred to me to pray about my issues, as I usually don't bring them to the forefront for examination. I'm grateful, though, for the awareness and for the chance to confront these things and work on being more like Christ would have me be.